destruction. adieu..

I left my curtains open
because I want to see the first morning light
shining through the aperture of
my window
it will be my light, mine.

the warmth of the light
would wake me up
from the dream I've drowned myself in
the golden particles would sneak in between my closed eyelids and
shine in front of my black vision

and then
your image in my dream collapses
like never before.
so helplessly
so completely
it shatters like
broken glasses with clear edges
sharp, quick, cruel -
and puff, you Disappear.

Your smile and your innocent eyes
belong to another person
an acquaintance I know
not so well, not for long

I once saw him near the railway
on a late cold night.
he walked towards me
head down, small steps
lovely as a teddy bear
with furry hat on his head
and I had to
I had to turn around
and walked away without looking back
because you are not him.
I lost him a long time ago

that was the last encounter
my last memory
I have said goodbye to him
a late goodbye.

that night was dark
and I had the slightest intuition to know
that it would be the last time
of touch, of sight, of feelings
and then I sealed my heart
of him.
of you.
with hot wax, burning through the skins

goodbye
goodbye
i uttered this word a thousand times
to you
to him
my dear
my love
if you could call it so.
can't you see that hope has died,
the streets light has extinguished.
the path was dark
and no way
no way out of this darkness

I need that light of my window.
i am saying goodbye
to the black night.
you'll never understand.