I don't know

The weather is getting hot and humid. Another summer is arriving. What comes with this humid heat is a helpless sadness, something that I don't understand. But do I not?

No one knows more clearly the reason for sadness, if you care to probe it a little more, it becomes nothing more than something you don't want to admit. Or let's put it this way, hysterical sadness is not something that can be prolonged. Hysterical sadness is not sadness but release of energy. Real sadness is a little needle that becomes a magnifier, perhaps it is a sourness that turns into bitterness after the sip. But it's there, and it's not moving away.

The I don't know part is rather I don't know how to make it go away. And I don't. So I spent today crying intermittently for 5 minutes each interval. It did not bother daily activities. I could cry and turn on the water to shower, and I cry more. I could cry when I was on the elliptical, but for that I have to suppress.

20s feels like an overwhelming age, and each step is uncertain. When you walk alone, there is more void surrounding you, nothing more real than your stuff animals. And who says you are on the right track? Those "10 things that tell you you are prospering in your 20s" articles are extremely hateful.

I hate pictures on instagrams. Girls with long eyeliner, red lips, sharp nose, glorious highlights. Boys with white shirts muscles and fancy drinks. I think about what they want to achieve with those pictures, and the consequence of actually achieving those goals horrify me. Either you really enjoy those activities which is sad, or you are a coward not knowing the consequences yet.

The idea of look, the idea of perfection, the idea of success can make a whole society obsessive. Pictures on top of pictures, bitches on top of bitches, fuckboys on top of fuckboys. "Fun" is a meaningless word when you start to realize what you are facing in the future.

But enough with the whining. That's not my problem anyways, and I shouldn't be troubled with it. But what will become of this generation? Susceptible to more political swings, easy to believe naives if you just go two steps further to trick them with looks-real substances. Aren't we all like that?

The value of truth has been masked in society as a contemporary problem. The original question, if something happens but no one knows it, did it actually happen, has raised many interesting questions in the age of impossible knowledge of truth. Yet why are we so keen to truth, having such a strong desire to know them? In my opinion, it's the inevitable emergence of truth, via forms of consequences, that costs and pains humans. And the next question in line to ask is how do you evaluate a consequence to be good or bad? Is the current political populism bad for humanity if it is what humanity chose? Is it the naive shallow youth bad for future development if that's what we constructed?

Oh we don't know. But do we not?