Nightmare on a Yesterday

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23 Feb 2022 in Free-form Jottings – read.

Disclaimer: It might appear that my life is sad. But that's not true - the majority of the time I'm happy (speaking of a person who's very low in neuroticism). I only write sad stuff because it helps me organize my thoughts and process my emotions.

I haven't had a nightmare in a long time. But last night I woke up at 4:49am from a series of surrealistic events, of which I still remember vividly.

I dreamed I was in a small private jet. Suddenly it was going to crash. Under the order of the pilot, I was kicked out from the door with a parachute. To my surprise, there was no loss of gravity - it was stagnant as if I was just "there." I then fell into a deep swimming pool (at least 100 meters) with corpses floating like dead ants.

After I climbed out from the swimming pool, I needed to attend a garden show because I bought the tickets. I saw a man who was desperately looking for his kids. A woman was also doing the same. We realized a god force wiping stuff away. We walked and passed a center stage. There was a show of Captain Hook, and an actress blinked her right eye with fake eyelashes.

The dream was painted in purple and red, a bit of grayish blue too. When I awakened, even as of the moment when I walked in the subway station, I still felt a breath choking in my breast.

There must be something unspeakable at play. I'm trying to freely associate but no result. And such irresolution urged me to write it down and make it known to the consciousness. But the layer between the conscious and the unconsioucness seems unbreakable today.

Fragmented, unstream of consciousness: I dislike my writing lately. For someone so particular with words, I no longer feel the natural cleaniess out of my hands. Too much information tangled in my head and I can't sort out but what's the need ot sorting maybe I learned to let things go maybe I've truly realized conclusion is useless maybe I'll have a breakthrough soon - the last time I felt such compulsion to express was during my thesis writing. The materials are there.